lifelong learning....what's that?

I've always loved learning, even as a kid.  I was the kid who loved going to school and hated staying home sick.  Even in high school, I would have rather stayed home and done my homework or studied on a Friday or Saturday night instead of going out with friends. I don't know though, maybe I was just an antisocial freak who was too afraid to get out there and actually do something with my life other than academics. Who knows?

Although challenges scare the hell out of me (as do most things in this world), I accept them with rigor and determination.  Sometimes I let my fears get the best of me and I become so overwhelmed that I'll break down.  But for the most part, I'm able to overcome those fears and push forward.  When I have a task, a goal, or a dream, I will do whatever it takes to achieve said task, goal, or dream to the best of my ability.

So far, I've made myself out to be some sort of super academic, which I am not by a long shot.  I have my fair share of limitations.  Though, if you really wanted to look at the glass half full, they could also be positives in certain situations.  I'm incredibly stubborn.  Once I have my opinion or belief about something, rarely do I change said opinion or belief, let alone admit when I do. I'm very outspoken.  My mom always taught me growing up that that's a good thing, that I need to stand up for what I believe, and I still believe that.  Even when my opinions differ from the majority or are controversial, I am not shy about admitting them.  This can be pretty rough for me sometimes, but it can also be a huge blessing.  One of my worst flaws though, is my defensiveness.  Even when I don't mean to be, I still sound like it I guess.  At least, that's what I'm told all the time.  I can feel myself even now starting to get defensive simply talking about the subject.  Though, at what point is being defensive an okay thing?  I suppose everyone needs to find their happy medium with everything.

I've come really far in my learning, I will admit, but I also will admit that I have a lot farther to go.  I don't think I will ever stop my learning experience.  Every day there are new things to learn, new people to meet, new shoes to walk in.  Life itself is a learning experience.  You can't live your life without learning.

So you think you wanna die....

I recently read an article about euthanasia that caused me to delve even deeper into this topic to more fully understand it.  I wanted to do this in order to be able to think critically and objectively about it instead of being emotional and biased.  Those of you that know me, know that I tend to be pretty emotional and think with my heart about most things.  So when someone talks about actively or passively killing someone in the name of medicine....just tugs at my heartstrings.  I immediately think that's not okay.  But reading the literature about it and hearing all these stories about people who chose to have a physician-assisted suicide really changed my stance on it.  It still breaks my heart to hear about people wanting to die, but I've realized that's not my place to tell them what's worth living and fighting for and what isn't.

Before reading the literature, I didn't know what the stipulations or prerequisites there were for people who wanted to receive physician-assisted suicide.  They probably are suffering from a chronic, degenerative illness and will most likely die anyway.  They will also go through an in-depth analysis of their soundness of mind and to make 100% sure that's what the person wants.  One story I read about was a lady who's husband and friends had all died, and she didn't have any children, and simply did not want to live any longer.  After a few months of discussing it with her doctor, he agreed to go through with the assisted suicide.  Personally, I think she should have tried harder to want to live or have found something or someone that would make her happy again.  But again, that's not my place to decide what someone else's quality of life is.

Then again, if someone I know comes to me and tells me they want to me to help them kill themselves... I'll probably say Hell No.  Though, if someone wants to die badly enough, they'll do it. They'll find a way, with or without your help.  Might as well respect their right to self-determination.

What Is Normal?

Abuse. Divorce. Heartache. Rape. 

Being lied to, cheated on. Alone. 

Normal experiences for me. 

Just because something is normal for you, doesn't mean that it's right or good.  Those normal experiences for me, though they were what I'm used to, aren't right. They shouldn't be the norm.  Going into the field I'm going into, I have to remember that although I know what a child should experience, some children don't. Some only know abuse; for them, it's normal. 

Just because something is normal for you, doesn't mean that it's normal for everyone. People have a huge problem with that nowadays.  They think, "Oh, well I dealt with my problem this way or I live my life this way and it works just fine for me, so it should work fine for you." No. That's not how things are. And if that's how you see things, then you need a reality check, my friend.

.....

I was just informed of some very stress-inducing news. I'm all jacked up on coffee and it's two in the morning. Needless to say, I'm incredibly pissed. Not surprised, mind you. It's nothing I haven't heard before, or experienced, but it's still heartbreaking. That moment when you truly realize the person you loved, the person you thought about maybe spending the rest of your life with, never loved you, never really cared at all, just wanted sex..... that's a pretty damn rough moment. That moment lasts one hell of a long time, let me tell you. I keep realizing this and keep realizing this over and over. I'm getting fucking sick of it. Sorry for the profanity. Especially when this blog is supposed to be professional. 

Connecting that thought back to my original thoughts, people need to learn how to treat other people with respect. Quit being so damn selfish and try thinking about other people for once. I don't get why people lie, cheat, or abuse. I never will. Do they really enjoy it? Are they really happy with their life? Thinking everyone loves them, when in all reality everyone hates them? Whatever, my job isn't to try to understand them, my job is to put a stop to it. This is exactly the reason I want to go into the social services/law. I want to be an advocate for those that cannot speak for themselves, and protect those that need protection. 

Well, I can't think anymore. I'm falling asleep. Peace out.